Tuesday, July 13

Fun with Constitutional Package adjustment

From the comments at Atrios Jennifer posts
On second thought....

Even though the Republican committee chairmen will never let anything out of committee for a floor vote, wouldn't it be fun if the Dems would highlight the stupidity of the all-too-frequent Republican desire to amend the Constitution (for stupid reasons) by proposing a few amendments of their own? For starters:

The Boxer Underwear Amendment: Since men suffering from infertility are advised to wear boxers instead of briefs, and God commanded us to "be fruitful and multiply," this amendment will prohibit all types of men's underwear other than boxers.
All I can add is a preference for boxer-briefs. I like the support of briefs without the bunching. Makes riding a bike a lot nicer.

The Long Tresses Amendment: The Bible claims that a woman's hair is her "crowning glory," this amendment will respect God's will by prohibiting women from cutting or coloring their hair.

Once we've satisfied God by writing all of his likes and dislikes into the Constitution, we can move on to the more secular irritants that nonetheless threaten the future of our great nation:

The Only-Squeeze-the-Tootpaste-From-The-End-of-the-Tube Amendment: This will prevent waste of toothpaste, thereby strengthening our economy. Plus, it will be one less source of friction for people who live together and share toothpaste.

The Over-Not-Under Method of Hanging the Toilet Paper Roll Amendment: Because everyone knows this is how it should be done.

The Wipe-From-Front-to-Back Amendment: For women's health reasons. Also, because God doesn't like it when we get feces on our genitals - otherwise, he wouldn't hate gay people.

I'm sure all of you can think of other crucial changes that must be made to our Constitution if we are to survive as a nation. If we don't spell out everthing right there in the Constitution, chaos will reign and Jeebus will be upset.
Well done Jennifer. Bonus points awarded for bringing Jeebus into the picture. I can never get enough of the image of Homer with a frog in one hand, microphone in the other, eyes spinning, and asking "is that you Jeebus"