Why Bill O'lielly needs to be sodomised with a baseball bat the size of his ego.

Yes I am ripping off the Rude Pundit, in fact I am happy to do so. John Stewart made an appearance on the show last night, thanks to eschatonian landlubber for the heads up on the transcript. I guess the gasbag from here on to be known as Baghdad Bill, is concerned that Stewart might have influence with a certain demographic. And when I say "certain demographic" we are talking about undesireables, untermenchen, in other words those that are less than, well, Baghdad Bill, you know, niggers, spicks, irishmen, wetbacks, and slackers. I'll let him tell the story in his own words.

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly. In the "Personal Story" segment tonight, he is the darling of the television critics, the host of "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central, and now has a book called "America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction" -- 'inaction,' one word. Welcome, Jon Stewart, to the no spin zone, everyone.

JON STEWART, "THE DAILY SHOW": How are you, sir?

O'REILLY: OK. You know what's really frightening?

STEWART: Uh oh.

O'REILLY: You know what's really frightening?

STEWART: You've been reading my diary.

O'REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary.

And what is really funny is that Jon probably has much more influence than Baghdad "old fluffing the faithful" Bill, and that is what is scaring the egomaniacal one. Let's continue shall we.

STEWART: If that were so, that would be quite frightening.

O'REILLY: But it is. It's true. I mean, you've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote.

STEWART: Yeah.

O'REILLY: You can't stop them.

STEWART: Yeah, I just don't know how motivated they would be, these stoned slackers.

O'REILLY: Yeah, it just depends if they have to go out that day.

STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers?

O'REILLY: Come on, you do the research, you know the research on your program.

STEWART: No, we don't.

O'REILLY: Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it. You didn't see that?

STEWART: No, I didn't realize that.

Wow 8.7 out of 10 Stewart watchers are stoners, I had never really though about it before, but then I usually catch the re-runs the following day. I would not be suprised if a majority of folks watching anything but Lawrence Welk re-runs are probably medicated by something at that hour. But I digress.

O'REILLY: But you do have some influence. Now, how do you see that? You have influence. John Kerry bypassed me and went right over to you. You're only four blocks away. He said, "O'Reilly, I don't think so. Stewart, I'm going to go talk to you."

STEWART: Well, I have to tell you -- and again, I mean no disrespect, but the snack selection backstage, quite frankly...

O'REILLY: Yeah, it's...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know, I don't want to shake Guantanamo Bay, but it's a little sparer back there.

O'REILLY: It's close, it's close. We want people to be hungry when they come out.

STEWART: I think that's wise. We have, what I like to call, snack-size Three Musketeers, some Snickers, some Milky Ways. If I were a presidential candidate and I had to choose, I think a place that had an energy pick-me-up might be the place I would go.

O'REILLY: Do you think that Kerry does himself any good talking to you? Because I think most of your audience is going to vote for him anyway, aren't they?
[.....]

STEWART: If I thought...

O'REILLY: The stoned slackers.

STEWART: If I thought honestly that their strategy hinged upon his coming and talking to me, I would suggest that they were in some deep trouble. I don't know. I feel like, you know, we don't have an agenda of influence.

If we have influence, it is peripheral. And I don't imagine that people who watch the show are watching it to make up their minds in terms of who they think would best prosecute the war on terror. I think they watch to see who would maybe have the best jokes on the war on terror.

O'REILLY: No, here's what I think. I've been on the show a couple of times. I mean, you obviously make fun of everybody. You know, I'm making fun of your show now. But you get everybody.

STEWART: We are, in fact, crass and immature.

Baghdad Bill, is trying to make some kind of point, something about Kerry trying to gain the stoned slacker vote and who knows what else, maybe a dig at the intelligence of Daily show viewers, and a swipe at the french?

O'REILLY: But even so, younger people tend to be a little bit more, you know...

STEWART: When you say younger, are you talking 9, 10? What are you talking here?

O'REILLY: No, I'm talking 18 to 25, you know. The people who are on your intellectual level.

STEWART: Thank you.

O'REILLY: They seek that.

STEWART: Yes.
[.....]

TEWART: No, I wouldn't have put it that way. I think it would have been, why do you have such je ne sai qua?

O'REILLY: Yeah, some French. We're boycotting France, so I couldn't answer...

STEWART: By the way, I couldn't agree with you more about the French thing. They are such an important country, and I think really deserve a boycott.

O'REILLY: Yeah, they do.

STEWART: Because of the influence they wield in the world.

(CROSSTALK)

O'REILLY: Well, you know, I know you don't agree with...

STEWART: They have a variety of cheeses, and...

O'REILLY: I was just going to say, you have to have your brie before you go on.

STEWART: Do you really believe France is, in any way, worthy of a boycott?

O'REILLY: I do. I think France has really hurt the USA, to be...

STEWART: Really?

O'REILLY: Yes, I do.

STEWART: More than like Saudi Arabia? You would advocate a boycott...

O'REILLY: No, I'm not going to say more than Saudi Arabia. But I'm saying we do a lot...

STEWART: So why not boycott them?

O'REILLY: France is supposed to be our friend. Saudi Arabia is...

Read the rest of it. I would love to use it all but fair use, etc. I would have loved to enjoy some of the facial expressions Jon made, but my imagination will have to do for now.

Baghdad Bill

Defender of truth justice and the Armerican Way